Are you tired of simply jumping to conclusions? Do you yearn for a more... aerial perspective?
We, the Parachute Prophets, are here to guide you through the infinite possibilities of the jump.
We're not just prophets, we're also experts in the ancient art of parachute navigation.
Our team of highly-trained, highly-caffeinated prophets will guide you through the skies and onto the truth.
But be warned: our prophecies come with a 100% chance of mild turbulence and a 50% chance of existential dread.
So, buckle up, but not too tightly, because we're about to take the leap of faith.
Want to learn more about our prophets?